Settling Down: Thoughts on September
Since my last post was a sort of farewell (“here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?”) to August, I thought I’d check in with an I-love-September post.
School has started. Despite a first September week plagued by high humidity and rain, it’s now my favorite, most energizing, soul-pleasing (not to mention hair-pleasing) weather of the year. It’s someplace between warm and cool, the air is crisp, the breezes ideal for sleeping, the sky as blue as it ever gets. For me, life speeds up in a pleasing way, after the doldrums that the summer ends on.
My niece just got married the other day, which marked the start of fall in a more interesting way than usual. It was a week of milestones, as it happens. My brother and sister in law had their second child, a girl, on September 5. On the 6th, the above-mentioned first niece turned 25. And on the 9th, she got married. The birth and the 25 years and the wedding feel like bookends in a growing life, you know? Here, two gratuitous photos of my bookend nieces:
The newest niece, Emily.
My newlywed niece, Tara, and me, at her wedding last weekend.
So I’m settling down, and so are my kids — into school, into soccer practice and games, into other activities that may or may not crop up. Couple observations and intentions as the autumn gets into full swing:
- We actually have fewer after-school-busy days this year, and I think I’m going to love this. Come October, we’ll start religious ed again, on Monday afternoons, and on Fridays the soon-to-be-8-year-old has soccer practice (bonus: his dad is the coach, which means no mom taxi needed!). Games are on Sundays, which give a nice shape to that day. With practice on Friday, I moved our regular piano lesson to Saturday late morning, which is easy as pie, because there’s no homework to compete with, and my husband and I can switch off taking them to their teacher’s house. Every now and then, a flier will arrive in a backpack about tennis lessons, or a cooking class, or scouts, and I consider it, I hesitate — hovering over the recycling bin — and then let the flier drop in. Not that I don’t want to give my boys different opportunities, but then I think how crazy our weeks can possibly be, and I think, what’s the point? Can’t I take my sons to the park to bat a tennis ball around? (Sure, in theory, but I want to put those ideas into practice, and I’m saying it here to hold myself accountable).
- I’m upping the ante on chores and responsibilities for my boys this fall. Curiously, it’s been my almost 10-year-old who has been pushing me. Well, not so much pushing me but wondering why I haven’t yet done what I told them over the summer I’d be doing, which is making a printed list and posting it for them. So silly of me! I’ve been these kids’ mom long enough to know that they respond to lists, they respond to expectations set for them, so that they can then meet them. Big duh. Another accountability moment here, folks: I’ll be posting a list this weekend. I just have to figure out the system, the logistics. Will this be daily tasks they have to complete (making their beds, putting away toys and clean clothes, emptying the dishwasher and setting the table and clearing dishes after dinner), or will I add a rotating chore roster they can choose from (raking leaves, say, or dusting, or…? That feels like more work for me, but then I think it might work better than asking them in the moment to do a chore. Less my voice is heard, the better, maybe. Still debating that one. But for the last week or so, we’ve been having them not just take their own dinner plates away, but ours, too, and other things on the table. This is a baby step between having them just do their own messes, and what I did as a kid, which was handle the whole after-dinner mess while my parents (deservedly, I see now!) rested. We really have to get over this whiff of “I only clean up my own messes” attitude, here and everywhere I look. We aren’t individual fiefdoms; we are a family. Though I probably won’t make them fold my underwear. According to Greg Heffley in their favorite book series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, that’s just wrong (I disagree on principle, but I concede the point.)
- I’m doubling down on limiting crappy food this year. It’s an uphill battle, in the circles in which we run, to not encounter junk food at every turn. It seems as though children simply can’t get together, for any reason, without junk. I am, and have always been, a fan of bad food. There may or may not be a bag of cheddar cheese popcorn under my desk right now. But moderation has gone straight out the window. Things that seem quite reasonable to me, like having one cupcake per child for a birthday treat in class, cause gasps in my circles. Why just one cupcake? What if they don’t like cupcakes? What if I look stingy if I only offer cupcakes? Better to also bring cookies and juice and maybe some ice cream cups. Teachers and school officials and whoever is in charge of activities like soccer and swim lessons (and yes, there was a “party” after a two-week swim-lesson session this August, sigh) either try to come down hard, or do nothing. My dear husband got the ball rolling, in his position as soccer coach, to tell parents that the snack roster would be going around, and that what he’d like is fruit for half time, and… that’s it. I ask you — what’s wrong with that? When did it become necessary to have a treat after the game? Especially considering how many of these kids are woefully de-conditioned. Why shouldn’t they get the benefit of running around on a field for an hour, without clogging it up with Munchkins or ice cream after? I’ll let you know how it goes, but join me in applauding my husband for broaching the sacrosanct subject of soccer snacks.
And on that alliterative note, have a very happy September, everyone!
September 12, 2012 @ 4:50 pm
This makes me smile. I really love this: “Can’t I take my sons to the park to bat a tennis ball around? (Sure, in theory, but I want to put those ideas into practice, and I’m saying it here to hold myself accountable).”
and I applaud you! I’ll look forward to hearing how it goes.
Chores – I’m going to try to be more diligent about these, too.
Soccer – What *do* people usually offer kids for soccer, I mean, really? I remember oranges and water and those two things tasted like the most incredible treat on earth. I even remember how parents would cut the oranges up in wedges like at Chinese restaurants where you kind of suck up the juice but don’t eat all the white parts — and that alone felt rather profligate and even a little junky (supposedly bad for your teeth and of course missing all the fiber I guess it is from the white parts). Amazing how things have changed!!!
I feel that way with cupcakes for birthdays. Last year I brought in just a cake. That’s it. I was pleased that I remembered napkins, plates and a knife. But I felt so outdone by other birthdays with, like you said, cupcakes, cookies, juice, ice cream not to mention clowns, musicians, music, etc.
September 13, 2012 @ 6:52 am
Love this, I have just been thinking that our after schools are nice as we too have cut down on rushing somewhere else from the bus stop. My daughter’s school has cut out birthday treats for birthdays. We can send in a small non-food treat (pencil, stickers, etc.) but any food must be ordered from the school kitchen. As my daugher put it, “who really wants carrots and ranch dressing for a birthday treat anyway?!” But let the goodybag competition begin, My pencils looked skimpy next to another mom’s personalize goody bag for each child. Oh well. I also applaud your husband on the soccer treat….kids do not eat enought fruit and nor drink enough water and this is just what hard working kids needs! Thanks!
September 13, 2012 @ 9:33 am
Maybe it’s just the ages of our kids but I’m the total opposite in the August vs September feelings. August was energizing for me as I had so much more time to work on long-term projects. And at 16 & 14, the kids were free to explore too. But now with September, the craziness begins and my Mean Mommy comes out, “Get off your iTouch and study!” I’ve got good students all around but I still find myself redirecting them. And with the heat blasting here in the Southwest, I keep humming the song by Green Day, “Wake Me Up When September Ends.”
BTW, my three boys rotate chores weekly: 1st does the evening dishes, the second empties the dishwasher in the morning and loads dishes from breakfast, the third takes out trash when needed and sets the evening table. I let them remember who does what (I find the less I get involved, the better–but then again, my kids are older). And finally, my husband sets the Saturday chore list and each kid gets to choose which job he wants with evening dishwasher choosing first.
September 13, 2012 @ 10:06 am
We have implemented a chore chart (complete with stars to receive) in our house – FINALLY! My 10 year old daughter asked for it. My son (the daughter’s twin), who usually does his chores the first time he is told/reminded, didn’t seem to care one way or the other. While I frequently heard, “You’re mean!” directed to me this summer, it has gotten much more frequent in the past 2 weeks.
Right now, I only have one child with activities. Basketball practice, pitching lessons and maybe guitar lessons. My son is quite happy with only his schoolwork and playtime.
September 13, 2012 @ 2:47 pm
I had to smile at this Denise. When I first moved to the US, my husband played soccer in a statewide league. He asked if I would come watch his games. I said “sure, I’ll even bring the half-time oranges”. He looked at me blankly and still to this day has no idea what I was talking about.
I can’t think of a better way to refresh after playing sports: fruit and water. Gatorade was alien to me and the notion of kids getting munchkins, goldfish, candy, cupcakes etc, after every little thing is already driving me crazy and I know it’s only just begun: With my 4yr-old getting a lollipop after every gymnastics class. I mean, really??!
September 14, 2012 @ 4:10 pm
Our son is seven and has been helping out with real chores for a few years now (I know, I know, Cruella De Vil for a mom, here). As he grows older, the amount to which he’s responsible for the chores grows according to his ability. What’s been a great help to us has been a system my mom used with me when I was a kid.
Every Saturday morning, she would sit down and write a list of what chores needed to be done, such as dust, vacuum, mom kitchen floor, change sheets, bathroom, etc. Then she would pass the list to me and say ‘Ok, you pick the two you want to do’ (or three, or whatever number she deemed necessary, but always less than half and never the big chores like waxing kitchen lino floor). I always knew exactly how much was expected of me, I always knew I wasn’t allowed to play until the chores were done, but I also knew I had the power to choose the ones I felt like doing that week. We never had any battles of ‘But I ALWAYS have to take the garbage out!’ because there were never any chores I ‘always’ had to do.
I think giving children a little bit of control over something they’re required to do really helps, and this way, they (eventually) get a well-rounded base of house-work abilities. Because, let’s face it, nobody WANTS to dust every week.
Good luck with your endeavors!
September 15, 2012 @ 12:13 pm
Oh the soccer snacks. Our town stopped the snack roster because these weird parents kept upping the ante with stupid snacks and “treats” after. Grrrrr……. What’s wrong with fruit? I have no idea. That’s all we ever brought. Oh on another soccer note… I stood up by email and by NOT participating in our towns “Hush Week” for soccer. http://georgetownsoccerclub.com/absolutenm/anmviewer.asp?a=207&print=yes
Then finally I just couldn’t take it any more and wrote a letter to the editor of our town newspaper. Got only positive responses from people by FB and “on the street” but was expecting the backlash in the paper that never came.
http://www.theifp.ca/opinion/hush-week-a-travesty-mom/
I read your interview with Last American Childhood and wanted you to know people ARE fed up and trying to swing
the pendulum the other way. Oh and swimming has started again for us! The older one will join high school swim team and the younger one has started back to practice. Hoping to have a good year, not awesome. 😉
September 20, 2012 @ 2:33 pm
I have a daily “schedule” that includes the everyday chores. Then a separate chore schedule for the rotating tasks.