Regret Having Kids? Never! (Well, Maybe Sometimes…) TV Show Opportunity!

Feel like this sometimes? You're not alone!

At the end of this post, you’ll see a link to a new TV show’s website. It’s called Lifechangers, and it’s with Dr. Drew Pinsky, and I’m writing this post because I was asked, by the show’s producers, to help them find a mom willing to come on the show and talk — honestly — about any regret they may feel about having children. What got me was not the “regret” part, but the “honesty” part. When it comes to parenting, both are hard to admit to.

I’ve been pretty stubborn, in my eight-and-three-quarters-years of being a parent, about being honest about the lows of motherhood. Seems to me there’s no shortage of people out there to trumpet the long list of what’s wonderful about being a mother, from the people who write the copy for Mother’s Day cards, to, well, just about anyone who’s ever had and fallen in love with their child.

But I like to champion the underdog positions, the flip side of the rainbows-and-unicorns part, as I did in this essay for American Baby that I wrote when my first son was a baby. Some moms, like me, have a hard time with infanthood’s endless and unrewarded demands; others tear their hair out over terrible twos/threes/fours; others will tell you that the schoolage years, or the tweens or teens, are the most challenging years — the times that the word “regret” might sneak, unbidden, into your consciousness.

The fact is that motherhood is hard as well as rewarding — I’m not covering any new ground by saying that, so feel free to let a big fat “duh!” out. But I do still maintain that true, unfiltered honesty about how that makes you feel remains in short supply. Take the newborn period, for example: we will, as moms, talk ruefully or ironically or with humor (and wine) about the crusty cereal bowls we find lurking near the couch, the unwashed-for-four-days hair, the shirts stained with breastmilk. Ruefulness, irony, humor: all these are helpful tactics. But when we’re laughing with friends, are we really being honest about how we feel — how we may sometimes have the idea, as I wrote in that essay, in the midst of sleep deprivation, of popping the screaming kid out onto the fire escape?

And when they’re older, when they’re tearing around the house or defying your every effort to civilize them or socialize them or just brush their dang teeth and get out of the house, are we really ever honest about the times we fantasize about putting them on the curb with a sign that reads: “Free to a Good Home”? Honest, I mean, about how those fantasies — which we know we’ll never, ever do — can co-exist with the times we look a them and our hearts are so full of love we can barely stand it?

Regret is a big word — and it’s scary. But be honest: did you ever regret having kids? Even momentarily?

So, as I wrote at the outset, Lifechangers is looking for a mom who’s at her wits’ end to come on the show and, by sharing her honest feelings of being overwhelmed by parenting, help others — and in turn get help herself from Dr. Pinsky.

If you are interested — or know someone who is (and we all do), contact the show through the link below — I’ll let the Lifechangers folks explain what they are looking for, here:

Do you love your kids but secretly regret having them? Have you turned into “momzilla” because your patience has run out? Do people tell you that your way of discipline is inappropriate? Are you scared that one day you might snap? Would you rather be out with the girls than at home with your kids? If so, tell us your story.

If you do end up filling out the online form, will you let me know, here in the comments section? Or even if you don’t, let’s talk, honestly: what was your worst, “I regret this…” moment as a mom?