Just Name the Baby, Already!
I want to say something here like, “naming a baby has always been fraught,” but really, has it? These days, you can bet that superfluous “y” in some kids’ names it is. Just take a look at this recent piece in the New York Times. Now, bear in mind, this is one of those style/fashion/trend pieces that takes an issue faced by a relatively small group of people, and extrapolates it to the rest of us. In this case, the relatively small group are upper middle class/urban/liberal/hipsters, and the issue is how to find that one, perfect baby name that will have all your friends and relatives amazed at your creativity and originality.
Have names ever really been original? I mean, unless you totally make up a name, like X (and I’m betting that’s been done, just as I’m sure there are copycat Apples after Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their daughter), there’s nothing really new (hence, creative spelling, which to me feels more like handing your child a lifelong spelling burden than handing yourself a gold star for originality).
I am not saying that I breezed through naming my boys, but one thing I wasn’t worried about was how much hipster-cred our name choices might have (and neither Daniel nor James broke any barriers). I wanted names we liked, that fit with my husband’s last name (not easy to do — it’s a lovely strong German name, but it was my feeling that if you stuck an au courant name like Milo or Zena onto it, this particular surname would pretty much spit it right back out.
I suppose it’s always been a challenge to hit on a baby name that sounds right to not one but two people, but the challenges have changed for many parents, because it’s less about what works for their family, answers tradition, matches the last name reasonably well, and pleases the ear — it’s also about what everyone else is naming their babies.
As writer Alex Williams writes in the Times piece, called “The New Baby-Name Anxiety”:
What’s in a name? What isn’t, these days? Baby naming has become an industry — with paid consultants, books, Web sites brimming with trend data, and academic studies exploring correlations between baby names and future success. The once-simple task of coming up with a monogram for the baby blanket has evolved into a high-stakes exercise in personal “branding.”
Yikes — we’re creating brands for our kids now? I thought labeling was bad?
When my mom was born in 1942, she was named Gesua. (I know, right? It’s Italian; the feminine form of Gesu, which means Jesus. The kicker is she was born a week before Christmas, and her mother’s name is Santa, another actually really lovely Italian name that never really lived comfortably in America. At work, my grandma went by Sadie). It was not my grandmother’s choice, but my grandfather’s (Gesua was his mother’s name, and that’s what you did in families like theirs). My grandmother wanted to call her Carol*.
But my point is that my grandparents didn’t agonize; they followed their tradition, period. When my parents named my sister, me, and finally my brother they did a little bit of the “I just like this name” thing (my sister is Marie, at the time my young mom’s fave, and she was very particular about the fact that it wasn’t the Italian Maria, but the French version of Mary); a little bit of the tradition thing (my brother is named after my dad, Frank); and a little bit of “what do we call this girl?” thing, which is how my dad, after I was unnamed for a week, grabbed Denise from a book as being French (like Marie) and not as likely to be shortened (they’d rejected Nicole because my mom wrinkled her nose at me being called Nicky, not knowing all my high school friends would dub me Nisie).
My name is probably dying now — according to the time-suck Name Voyager (part of the Baby Name Wizard site), where you can plot a name on a graph over time, Denise peaked in the 50s, dipped in the 60s and 70s, and is barely represented now. I don’t think my parents thought about either the “trendiness” or the longevity of my name; I think they were mostly thinking about the hospital personnel breathing down their necks (“You should really give her a name”). I also am not convinced they said “Denise” out loud with “Schipani” or they’d realize that I might someday have to correct people who think my name is Denisha Penny). Inadvertently, though, they did me a bit of a favor; if you Google my name you get… me.
A final note: did you know that you can hire a consultant to help you name your child? I want in on that.
How did you choose your child’s name(s)?
*When my mother was 13, she and her parents moved from Brooklyn to Queens, where my mom would start high school where no one previously knew her. My grandmother told her, “just tell everyone your name is Carol,” and she’s been Carol ever since.
June 4, 2013 @ 9:03 am
Good post. My name is Dutch for “little Mary.” Good Catholic name.
We chose very simple names for our children and they were chosen just because we liked them. They are good strong names that matched my husband’s Celtic last nam and they could be said in both French and English, an issue here in Quebec. Even though they are very common names, my daughter has never met anyone in her age group with her name “Anne.” There are many variations of the name, but not that name itself. When she was younger and taking dance lessons, the moms always though Anne was my name, because it’s a name from my youth, in the 60s. Nope, it’s hers!
My first name, which I don’t use, is actually after a saint my mother prayed to during the war. She said that her first living son and first living daughter would be named after him. Lucky me. NOT!
June 4, 2013 @ 9:11 am
I often joke that I should have named my traditionally-named boys something odd like Aloysius, because their classic names (Matthew, Christopher) combined with their oh-so-common last name (Johnson) means that there are long lists of people with that name in every database. Not so much with my daughter Catherine (Cathy). There are lots of 10-year-olds named Kayla, Kaelee, Kyla, Kaitlyn, etc., but no “Cathy.” By going old school, we got something unique. Now, my son and his girlfriend are expecting, and I’m shaking my head over the name of my grandson–Astor Lyon. I know I’ll fall in love with him whatever he’s called, but really? Astor? At least they’re not having a girl–my son’s girlfriend wanted to name a girl Hazel Wisteria. Compared to that, Astor Lyon sounds pretty good.
June 4, 2013 @ 9:14 am
I have an Elizabeth Violet(Lizzie) Cecelia Joyce (Ciely) and Josef Benjamin(Joey). My husband and I are decidedly untrendy, and knew we wanted somewhat old fashioned solid names that would work whatever the year. My kids are all named after their great grandparents, 1st and middle names. My oldest was named after her “dead” great grandmas (they had both passed away at that point) My 2nd daughter was named after the “living” great grandmas (sadly, they are gone now, also.) We didn’t plan it that way, the names just worked out that way. I do wish I would’ve went with Joseph instead of Josef, however. And, my middle name is Violet, and my husband’s middle name is Benjamin (yes, after our grandparents). So….solid, strong names while honoring people very close to us.
June 4, 2013 @ 9:21 am
As a side note, I’m a genealogist. My 3rd great grandmother was named Catherine, who named her daughter Margaret, who named her daughter Catherine, who named her daughter Margaret (my grandma). My grandma had a daughter named Catherine (my aunt). She had no daughters, but her niece (me) was named Maggie (after Margaret). I did not go with Margaret, but used my grandma’s middle name, Cecelia, which my grandma also got from an aunt. I liked Catherine (I didn’t know about this pattern then, and kind of wish I would’ve used it to carry on the tradition, but my aunt is…well, a little kooky, and not the best namesake)
June 4, 2013 @ 9:35 am
My kids are fraternal twins. We named my son, Henry, after my dad and my daughter, Evelyn, after a close friend.
I have 8 sisters and we each have a form of Mary in our names. Well, every time a girl was born (there are 6 boys, too) my dad would round up the kids and they would vote on the name. However, my dad would always start with the name he liked best. He would say the name & raise his hand & all the little kids would raise their hands, too. So he always got the name he wanted.
June 6, 2013 @ 11:15 am
That’s so odd. I know someone else with fraternal twins named Henry and Evelyn.
June 6, 2013 @ 11:29 am
It took a while for me to get pregnant, so we had discussed names. We came up with Lauren Elizabeth pretty quickly. Lauren has been my favorite name since I was very young. I just think it is feminine and a bit sophisticated. My husband loved it too. Elizabeth is a family name on both sides and goes well with Lauren. Every time someone asked me the name and I said it, people ooo’d and ah’d. We never picked a boy name.
June 4, 2013 @ 10:04 am
My husband is a joker so the whole naming our baby thing lasted our entire pregnancy and for 3 days after the baby was born (Below is a copy/paste from an email he sent me of his contenders…
• Captain Starbird
• Winchester Thurston
• Styles Bridges
• Velvet Smoothe (note the “e” at the end of Smooth)
• Remington Steel
• Colt Houston
We had a hard time because my husband has a very short abrupt one syllable last name so we had to have a multi-syllable first name for the baby. We both have uncommon (but not weird) first names and we wanted to give that to our kid as I liked that I was always the only “jeneen” in the class.
Ultimately we narrowed it down to a top 5 that we liked and sounded good with the last name. After he was born we tried them on and the only one that seemed to fit was Holden and then he got a grandparent’s first name as a middle name which is my family’s tradition.
I don’t think we stressed about it, but we did give ourselves lots of time to figure it out.
June 6, 2013 @ 11:16 am
Holden is awesome. Love it.
June 4, 2013 @ 10:39 am
Our first was easy. I had dreamed a name and was set on it, and my husband didn’t protest.
Our twins were harder because not only did we have the usual pressures: something we liked, something that didn’t end in an eee sound (as our surname starts with that sound), something that wasn’t too trendy, but we also had the no-matchy rule. Determined to make sure they were recognized as individuals, I didn’t want their names to “go together” at all. Add to this my husband’s insistence that we not name them anything that sounded like it was from a fantasy novel (Eowyn etc.), and we had a hard time narrowing the list.
So we ended up with one traditional (and from literature), and one that is, if I’m honest with myself, a variant on a trendy name because I loved the name that much — Elizabeth and Liliana.
June 4, 2013 @ 10:44 am
This is great. You need to check out Duana (now there’s a name)from Lainey Gossip who writes about names http://www.laineygossip.com/Duana-Names-Such-A-Thing-As-Too-Much-Irish/Lifestyle/23327
I am Kimberley, also named “baby” for a week or so because my mom wanted Dawn but thought that I might get teased as Don was a boy’s name. So I became Kimberley Dawn. Shortened to Kimmy (OMG I hated it). Shortened to Kim once I hit school though I tried after university to convert to Kimberley it just never stuck. My husband is Michael and he IS Michael not Mike, never Mike though many people tried to call him that he always corrected them and it was/is Michael.
Naming our girls I did not want traditional, ie. boring like my own name IMO. I also didn’t want names that could really be shortened. I did not want to name them after anyone either. I wanted them to be independent and yes, unique and different without being bizarre like, Moon Unit. 😉 So we came up with Aurora and Darian. They love their names and while we’ve met some other Aurora’s and we know of a few Darian’s they are the only ones in their class or whole school with their names.
June 4, 2013 @ 2:09 pm
I would play with names, but honestly I would never name a kid until after they were born. Many cultures have naming ceremonies at a week or more of age. This would be ideal, because at that point the child’s character and temperament would have a little time to develop. I see the way some people name their children as just one more way they plan to control every aspect of their lives as they grow. Not cool.
June 6, 2013 @ 11:18 am
I’ve never met someone whose name did not fit them. I don’t buy into the whole name fitting the personality. I don’t think that there is one personality that fits every name.
June 6, 2013 @ 11:23 am
I have to agree on that, Kimberly. I have a high-school friend who has four children. Her first and second she named right away. Her second two, both boys, were unnamed for AGES. The last one, nearly a year. That’s hard for me to wrap my head around! For our second son, we had James semi-prepared, and when he was indeed a boy, I asked my husband, “So? Still like James?” And that was that I guess my point is, he was a tiny newborn; we give him his name; I don’t see how there was something about his personality he could assert at that time that would have us say, “nope, not James!” And obviously now he can’t be anything BUT James. That said, personality can dictate things like nicknames. We knew we didn’t want him called Jim or Jimmy, but he sort of naturally became Jamie to us because he’s little for his age and kind of funny/cute.
June 4, 2013 @ 2:25 pm
We made a list of family names and picked one we both really liked, which was my paternal grandfather’s middle name – his first name was Hubert, which didn’t make the list.
There were a few combinations that made him sound like a law firm, so those got nixed. We didn’t want trendy and we did think about the fact that he will grow up with his name.
I’m named after a great-grandmother and my husband’s name is a derivative of his father’s, so we stuck with the family name theme.
June 4, 2013 @ 2:36 pm
I have no idea how or why we came up with “Nathan,” for our oldest anymore. When our 2nd son was born, we had the names narrowed down to Tyler or Samuel. I looked it him and he looked more like a Tyler than a Sam, so he became Tyler — which was kind of naming fail, b/c as a Jenny, I never wanted any of my kids to get stuck with a name that was trendy the year of their birth. Turns out that Tyler was a popular name for boys in the year 2000! “Adam” was a name we both liked, and ended up being significant when we was the first baby born at a freestanding birth center in WI. And my last baby, Boy #4, became “Sam,” b/c, in large part, we were out of good boys names by then. 😉
June 6, 2013 @ 11:27 am
Jenny, my hat is off to you for even coming up with four boys’ names. I have a whole list of unused girl names and I love them all (up front was Margot, my husband’s idea, but I also liked Amy or Aimee, Caroline, Elisabeth, and some others). We knew our first boy would be Daniel Francis (Francis is my dad’s name, and the Daniel was a compromise since I floated “Dante,” a family name, and really we both rejected that knowing he’d be called Dan anyway. And I looooove the name Daniel, commonality be damned). My husband came up with James — quite seriously, because he has a friend named James he likes — and we both loved it. Middle name Vito, after my husband’s grandfather, and because James is common enough; James Vito? Probably not so much, esp. with a German surname. If we’d had a third boy? We’d come up empty. Even now if I think about it, nothing appeals!
Denise
June 4, 2013 @ 4:28 pm
I don’t meet a lot of Barbara’s–and my last name is Freda. I get “Is that your LAST name? REALLY?” I think I was named after a good friend of my mom’s–my godmother.
We named ours Sam (Samuel)–because we liked it. Middle name Richard, after my father who died a couple of years before Sam was born.
Ian was Ian because *I* liked it. DH was pulling for Max, but I had just read an article about the top DOG names. Sam and Max? #1 and #2 in the dog world. Middle name Philip, after the character in Snow Goose. With hindsight, I wish I’d chosen Philip as the first name because…because I just LOVE that name.
Bryn–again, just liked it. Liked that it is Welsh with a “y” (yep, she spells it often AND she gets Brian a lot)…THEN we learned it is the male version of the name. Oh well. She was almost Piper, but I polled the delivery room staff…and they were unanimously against it. Piper, though? Cool name. She’s pretty thankful we didn’t go that route…
I love names. But it DOES get silly, doesn’t it? Good post.
June 4, 2013 @ 7:03 pm
I struggled with the popularity issue because I’d long wanted to name a son Jacob, since it’s part of my maiden name and my dad is known as Jake. But, I didn’t like the idea that my son would be one of many Jacob/Jake’s in his class since it’s been the #1 name for years. Ultimately, though, the family meaning of it won out and I’m so glad. I love his name (he was Jacob as a little kid but chose to go by Jake around age 6), it suits him, and he actually rarely runs into other Jakes his age. I guess it had passed its peak in our area since we tend to run into more older Jakes.
For our daughter, we chose Erin, after people we’d known and admired in our past. It’s also perfect for her — clearly a girl’s name but not really girly (she’s very outdoorsy and not at all girly). I like that most everyone knows how to spell it and it’s not “weird”, but we meet very few Erins her age.
June 4, 2013 @ 7:28 pm
What a fun post.
I’m with Amethyst on not being able to name my child until she was born and I actually polled the Baby Names online so I could avoid the most popular ones. I liked being the only Melanie in my class – actually, in my whole school.
My daughter was “Baby” for about three days and while I had thought of a few names I liked and was set on a middle name (after my Dad’s mother), I tried them all on her and none of them fit for some reason. My sister called me in the hospital and suggested the name Meredith — it suited her perfectly.
June 4, 2013 @ 8:32 pm
I was named after my paternal grandmother – in my family tradition, one is named after a deceased (always deceased) relative you admire. I broke that tradition, choosing a (common) name I liked, but wasn’t in either family, because I saw what happened with my husband, a firstborn. His family tradition mandated naming firstborn sons after their fathers. So he and his father had the same first name. He was therefore called by a nickname which persists to this day, and he’s 61 years old! I didn’t want to subject my son to something like that. My best friend, by the way, is a retired schoolteacher and the “creative spelling” trend drove her absolutely crazy.
June 4, 2013 @ 11:17 pm
We had no problem naming our boys. We had one name and that was it. Same with our daughter. The only problem was when she was born, we just didn’t feel like the name we had chosen fit. We had planned to name her Gwen, and we had no other name. Completely panicked, we turned to my mother in law. She gave us three names, all Italian…she is Italian, and we chose one. So technically my mother in law named our daughter!
June 5, 2013 @ 2:44 am
I had a bunch of criteria for naming our son, who was baby for 5 days before we settled. I didn’t want them to be one o
The criteria were:
Not listed in the top 10 names for the last decade. I didn’t want them to have many of them in their class/year
Not someone living in our family. My husband is Jewish and the tradition is that it’s bad luck to the preexisting named person
No stupid spellings. I teach. Original spellings are hard to pronounce correctly and a faff to spell. the kids end up correcting both spelling and pronunciation all the time.
Not the name of any little brats I have taught.
It had to work with our last name, and preferably with our family histories too.
After 5 days we narrowed it down to David Matthew Jacob
I like Jacob and it was my husband’s maternal grandfather’s name, but it has been so popular in the last decade it was out as a first name.
Matthew we liked too, but it’s my brother’s name, and breastfeeding a Matty was just too weird, plus there’s that bad luck/next to die thing tradition.
David won out by default. Neither of us could object to it; It fits both my husband’s Jewish heritage and my Welsh heritage,
It is my husband’s middle name, and was what I would have been if a boy.
It was the name of the obstetrician who cut him out, and it fit all my criteria. He does always go by Davey though.
June 6, 2013 @ 11:23 am
Oh Bronte–I am so with you on not naming the child any name that reminds you of a really awful kid you taught. I had a few names that were ruined for me by students!
June 5, 2013 @ 8:04 pm
We named our son after Gram Parsons from The Bryds. My husband was a rock writer and a huge fan and I was surprised how much I liked the name (and unusual spelling) when he suggested it. We did get some flack from my traditional Italian in-laws who were hoping for a Vincenzo… but the truth is, the name fits the kid. It’s perfect. And when I say I’m Gram’s mom, there’s no doubt who I belong to.
August 17, 2013 @ 4:28 pm
We also named our son Gram after Gram Parsons. Fantastic name! We live in the UK and he was born last year.
June 6, 2013 @ 12:54 pm
I used to hate my name – Jill seems to be a better fit for tall, blonde, thin women…and I am none of the above. ;o) My mom really wanted to name me Ellen, but my dad stuttered and he couldn’t get through the L’s in the middle of the name, so they had to come up with something else…
Jews don’t name after those who are still alive, but they do traditionally name their kids to honor a deceased relative. And even my completely not religious parents went along with tradition. My Jewish/Hebrew name is Esther, after my grandfather Isidor (yeah, that could have been worse, eh?), but my mom decided that my regular first name would be unrelated to that, whatever her and my dad liked/wanted.
So Jill, it is and I have made peace with it and don’t mind it much. And I am relieved that it is short, because my last name is a bit long and is 3 syllables.
My middle name is Robin, and whenever I asked where they got that one from, my dad was always quick to say, “Batman!” while my mom rolled her eyes. I don’t think I ever knew…and now they are both gone, so it just is what it is. Oddly, neither of my parents had middle names…
August 5, 2013 @ 11:43 am
My daughter is named after family. I was easy to come up with her name (Riley Jean). Riley was my husband’s grat aunt (whom gave me her wedding ring) and Jena was my grandmother. We knew we wanted something simple and easy to spell since our kids have to learn to spell a fairly complicated German last name. We are in our 20s and are one of the few our age with kids with “normal” names. The only downside so far is that Riley could be a boy and girl’s name. But a ponytail should fix any confusion.
August 5, 2013 @ 3:20 pm
My only problem with naming our daughter was reactions we got from family about “potential” names – getting “Ugh, that’s an awful name….” certainly wasn’t helpful or friendly.
Best advice I got (after I needed it) was don’t tell anyone any of the names you’re contemplating. Just tell them when the baby’s born what his/her name is. Once the baby’s born and named, they won’t give any awful feedback (at least not to your face
).
If we have a #2 we’ll definitely keep the name underwraps until the babe is born, unless it’s a boy and everyone already knows the name – David Armen (first name is my dad’s middle name, middle name is hubby’s dad’s first name).