I Am the Alpha Dog! How Dog-Training is the New Parenting

What's good for Fido...

Did anyone see this article in the New York Times’ Style section the other day? It’s by Alex Williams, it’s titled Becoming the Alpha Dog in Your Own Home, and woo, boy did I get a good laugh over it. In a good way, I assure you! The story is about how some  parents today have hit on the bright idea of incorporating principles of dog training into their discipline efforts.

The idea is based on the work of Cesar Millan, the so-called Dog Whisperer, who has a TV show (disclosure: I’ve never watched the show; I don’t have a dog, and truth be told, I’m not much of a dog person, but that’s another story), a book, and a rabidly (sorry!)  devoted following of families with formerly out-of-control pooches. Y’know, I’ve never watched SuperNanny, either, but I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here to say that the Super Nanny and the Dog Whisperer basically have the same message. Which is:

You’re in charge. You, the taller one, the one who walks upright on two legs. Not the four-legged one, and not the one or ones who exist somewhere on the developmental continuum between diapers and SATs (and even quite a bit after the SATs, come to think of it).

Um. Duh?

But like I said, I got quite a giggle out of the piece, in part because not too long ago, on a writer’s list I belong to, a writer/father who cares for his two young daughters presented the rest of us with a discipline dilemma regarding his 14-month-old daughter. The gist of it was that the toddler is going through a clingy phase with her mom, who’s at work all day. Instead of sitting in her highchair at dinner, she was wailing for her mother, which as you can imagine was putting a bit of a damper on dinner, and stressing out her well-meaning parents. We all had advice, such as giving the baby some cuddle time with her mother before dinner, in hopes this would satisfy her Mama-craving; or moving her from her highchair to a booster seat at the table, in hopes this would make her feel closer, physically, to the family.

But what writer-dad ultimately tried was to remove his wailing child from the kitchen, take her upstairs, and calmly ask for/expect her to calm down before he’d bring her back, and repeating as often as necessary. It worked. And here’s the kicker: He got the idea from an episode of  Cesar Milan’s Dog Whisperer show.

Here’s a snippet from the Times piece:

Certainly, an army, or at least a few divisions, of credentialed experts on human parenthood long ago stumbled on Mr. Millan’s philosophical holy trinity — exercise, discipline and affection equals happiness. And Mr. Millan does not hold himself up as a new Dr. Spock; he has never opined on how one should raise a creature with two legs in his show on the National Geographic Channel, or in his four books.

But some parents — particularly those weary of never-say-no techniques and child-rearing books suggesting that children should call the shots — say they find inspiration, and even practical advice, in Mr. Millan’s approach, which teaches pet owners how to become the alpha dogs by projecting his trademark “calm-assertive energy.”

Obviously, the notion that parents are in control of the household, and should retain and maintain that authority with a calm assertiveness (that is, without hand-wringing or, worse, wondering aloud to their children if they’re doing the right thing) is hardly a new one. But as this piece points out, it’s gotten lost in this generation’s (and, arguably, that of the one before it) misguided desire to never say no. To be the child’s friend. To create a home atmosphere where the child’s immediate feelings take precedence over what’s good for the family, and what’s good for the child himself at some later date.

But let’s face it. Peeing in the corner and chewing the legs of the antique piano are not good behavior (for kids or dogs). I like the idea of being the Alpha Dog in my home. Who’s in charge where you live?