The Volcano Experiment: The Mean Mom’s Guide to Birthday Parties
Last weekend, my sons and I went to an awesome birthday party. It was Daniel’s friend Luke’s seventh birthday. Luke’s a great kid — the boys have been in class together since kindergarten — and he has a pretty cool mom. By which I mean, she throws cool birthday parties. Last year, she hosted a bunch of kids and their parents on a short trip on the Long Island Rail Road to a sweet little old-fashioned ice-cream parlor two or three towns away. We rode the train, played some I-Spy-like games and pored over maps while sporting our “official’ travel badges, had some hot dogs and ice cream, then took the train back home. I had way more fun, as a mom of a partygoer, then I’ve ever had at those giant bounce-house-warehouse parties (they are always over-air-conditioned and loud as a rock concert) or, heaven forfend, Chuck E Cheese, which I’ve dubbed Dante’s 10th Circle of Hell.
This year, Luke’s mom decided to keep it even simpler: just a couple of guests — Daniel, another boy named Jack from their first-grade class, Luke’s little brother Liam, and my little guy, James. The boys ran around the backyard looking for hidden, homemade “rocks” that hid small prizes. They created “jewels” out of rock salt, glue, and food color. They ate pizza. They even made their own ice cream (though patience for the process waned and we ended up with milkshakes, which were just as delicious).
The soiree’s piece de resistance: We made volcanos. Nothing too science-fair-worthy (remember the volcano eruption from The Brady Bunch? Worth watching — I’ll wait!)
What we made was decidedly low-tech: just a small water bottle filled with baking soda, tinted lava-red with powdered fruit punch mix. The kids poured white vinegar through funnels into the bottles, and the mixture foamed and bubbled up over and over.
Here’s one result:
Low-tech lava
It occurs to me that what Luke’s mom planned was an updated equivalent of the typical kid birthday party when we were kids. All the elements were there: a backyard; some games; some food; plenty of chances to get dirty.
Now it’s time for my birthday-party confession: To date, I’ve thrown exactly one kid party for my sons’ birthdays, which adds up to a combined 10 birthdays. (Hey, they never asked.) Their birthdays are close together — in October and November. Daniel’s first birthday just happened to fall the week we moved into our house, so I planned a family party for that. It became a pattern: we generally invite both families over for both boys somewhere in the middle of their birthdays.
But last fall, when Daniel turned 6 and James turned 4, both of them had been to enough kid parties that I started to feel I’d been maybe a little remiss. But I still couldn’t force myself (or afford!) to host two big parties. So I chose to have just one, for them both, in my backyard. A couple plusses and minuses:
- Plus: I rented a bounce house for the day. Minus: It rained on and off, so the kids bounced, then rain inside. Then ran outside. Then inside. (Translation: wet socks, mud)
- Plus: I made my own food (mac-and-cheese, hot dogs, cupcakes) to save money and to avoid the same-old pizza party. Minus: it rained, so we had to jam into my kitchen to eat, rather than on the deck as planned.
- Plus: During a rainy bout, my husband led an impromptu, move-the-living-room-furniture-out-of-the-way Chicken Dance. (That one’s just a plus)
- Plus: My parents helped me clean up after the kids left because… Minus: I decided to also have the usual family party an hour after the kids left. Because I am a glutton for punishment. And it still rained.
I still believe that my impulse — to plan an at-home party — beats the birthday hoopla at all those (expensive!) places, though I think I’d have been better off taking a page from Luke’s mom’s book, and scaling it back by, oh, 10 or 12 kids. This past year, I’ve driven to every bounce-house-warehouse joint and climbing emporium in a 10 mile radius of my house to bring one son or another to a bash. I call it the birthday-industrial complex. Everyone does it, so … everyone does it. It becomes The Right Thing to Do to spend hundreds and hundreds on a party for 2 or 3 year olds, the Right Thing to Do to have a pinata (don’t get me started…), overstuffed goody bags, and favors to top all favors. (I swear, the last favor James got cost more than the gift I bought the kid. Oops!).
Is everyone afraid of at-home parties? Are you?
June 4, 2009 @ 9:31 pm
I’ll admit it: I’m afraid of at-home parties (hosting them, anyway). But b/c I’m cheap (fiscally responsible?), I’ve done it. We had a great butterfly-themed one, where I gave each kid a $2 butterfly net instead of a bag filled with junk and let them loose in the backyard. All was good ’til the birthday boy was stung by a bee.
The best, though, was a baseball-themed party. The kids made their own baseball cards (with index cards and markers), pennants (felt and glue) and played ball.
June 5, 2009 @ 3:19 pm
I always had my son’s birthday parties at my house or my mom’s (she has a pool) because his birthday is in June. It never rained once–always sunny and beautiful–and they were pretty low-key parties. He hasn’t had a party in three years though, so I think we’re done!
At first we had small parties for my daughter, born in January, at our house. But once she wanted more kids–we took it someplace else. Lots of kids inside my house in the middle of winter is not my idea of fun. But they’ve never been over-the-top or too big. This year she invited five girls to go ice-skating, then come back to our house for pizza and cake. It was so easy for me and the girls had a great time!
June 6, 2009 @ 12:44 am
I love at-home parties. 19 of our 23 parties so far have been at home — the other four at a public park when we needed room for football and sack races. They give my kids the opportunity to learn what it means to host a party, from budgeting to planning with their guests’ enjoyment in mind to the importance of the RSVP to cleaning up. Our backyard has been the site of a dino dig, a knights tournament, a costume parade and many treasure hunts. My kitchen has been a tea room and the bottom of the ocean. Planning and executing the party become part of the fun for us all. Yes, it’s messy, but it’s worth it to me.
June 7, 2009 @ 8:09 pm
I think everyone is afraid (or some other adjective like too tired, too busy?) to host a kid party at home. I am one of only three moms I know who regularly hosts birthday parties at home. I have been so surprised by this that I started a secondary blog about why homemade parties are better, but alas, I am a tired, busy mom and my main blog is time-consuming enough. Yet, I never stop thinking about my party blog.
I am so excited to find a like-minded individual out here, I have only found one other to date and that is http://www.snapparties.com who makes non-licensed-character party kits.
I kind of laugh at Facebook status updates bemoaning another afternoon spent at Chuck E. Cheese. I have not set foot in one yet. My kid has heard of it, recognizes the signage but knows how I feel. No overinflated-in-every-way parties for us, although the idea of a one-stop-shop of a party has tempted me for brief moments. I think we’ve gotten way off course with the birthday parties these days.
My neglected party blog’s tagline was “memorable parties are handmade, homemade and worth the effort.” I will always believe that. Sorry for the novel but this is a topic near & dear to my mommy heart.
Jess
neglected blog: Wee Festivity
Confessions of a Mean Mommy » Blog Archive » What’s In Your Toybox?
June 15, 2009 @ 10:28 am
[…] about 90-95% — were gifts. (That number got a big bump up after I threw the boys their first kid-birthday party last […]
June 18, 2009 @ 10:04 am
I am not a fan of birthday parties, and truly dislike the impersonal invite-the-whole-class approach. But, that said, I have given my son a party for each of his 7 birthdays to date. We’ve stuck pretty close to the 5 kids in the backyard routine, but when he turned 7, we upped the ante with 12 kids at an indoor arcade. He had a great time, the party was still small, but a little more special than balloons and streamers on the patio. I have, however, informed him that the cut-off for kid parties is 8. I figure he’ll want something even more special this year, but then I’m done. He can invite one best friend to pizza and a movie when he turns 9.
June 19, 2009 @ 1:34 pm
Given that we have a small house and my son’s birthday is in February (sister, at 2, just got a nice family home party with balloons and cake), we have had just one home party, when he turned 4. (Outdoors is simply not an option.) This year when he turned 5 we had a joint party with friends (their birthdays are within days of each other) at a local firestation. We split the cost of their requested donation, so it ended up costing not much more than $100 each, I think. The kids loved it — they got a tour and got to ride a rig, and at the end of the party, the men had to go out on a bona fide fire alarm! The previous year this same mom and I hosted another joint party at a park, where they got some open gym time. Renting that party room was even cheaper, like $35-$50 I think. I am not a big fan of party favors, which I don’t remember from my childhood!
June 19, 2009 @ 2:37 pm
I stumbled upon this posting while I was, you guessed it, planning my own daughter’s 3rd birthday and sheepishly admit it- I am the mom who’s kid’s party favor cost more than the gift received. Okay, not really, but I have spent a lot on each of my daughter’s parties- but do not regret a single penny spent on any of it. In my childhood I could only recall two parties where I actually had a “party” complete with a theme and decorations and fun. I vowed before my daughter was born that she would get memorable parties- whether that be her memories or mine.
My daughter’s 1st birthday was a Backyardigan themed pool party.
Her second birthday was an Elmo themed pool party.
Personally I was sick of pool parties so this year is a family bowling party. Between the lane rentals, food, cake, and favors- I am well up to $130 dollars. Then there is her actually presents- a $150 dollhouse, a $20 Build A Bear Alligator, and $10 in Disney flip-flops.
But I would not say thats too extravagent, would you?
June 19, 2009 @ 2:47 pm
Thanks for your comment, Shawna! No, I don’t think you’ve been extravagant! Actually, backyard pool parties are beyond awesome. Kudos to you for using what you have rather than shlepping everyone to Chuck E Cheese!
It IS hard not to treat our kids, right?
Keep reading!
Denise
August 9, 2009 @ 1:42 am
I hate hate hate the made-in-china-plastic-crap party favor stuffed bags or pinata toys that they come home with that are useless and end up in the landfill………
August 31, 2009 @ 6:56 pm
I’ve never even had games or activities at my kids’ parties, let alone all that other stuff people do. Now I feel like a slacker! I’ve never even been to a party like that. I live in Alaska, and I think that’s probably why the standard party here is grilling reindeer sausage and drinking beer and letting the kids run around the forested acre that everyone has for a yard. You’re considered a fancy host if you don’t ask your guests to bring a dish to share. Actually, you’re considered fancy if you have running water and the guests don’t have to use an outhouse.
Party favors!?!?! My kids don’t even know what they are. My 4 year-old talked about goody bags yesterday and I asked how he knew what that was, considering he’s never received one. He had seen it on a video. His birthday party this year was hot dogs, watermelon, homemade cake and the major major treat he picked out: cheetos. The kids ran around in the yard (not fenced) and played with toys and got filthy, and the grownups loosely supervised and drank beer. I felt like I totally caved when I let him buy a 60 cent push pop sucker for each of his guests. Guests are asked not to bring gifts, and we give our family gifts to the children earlier in the day so as not to create a weird spectacle.
I want to move away from Alaska because of the harsh winters, but when I hear about how nutty so many parents are elsewhere, I want to stay in the town with no designer clothes and very little judgement and pressure for parents.
August 31, 2009 @ 6:58 pm
p.s. I’m not trying to criticize other parents throwing elaborate parties, I’m just glad that I don’t have that standard to live up to here, because it’s not in my nature to be crafty/creative. In fact, we would love being invited to some because I’m sure my kids would have a blast, just as long as I don’t have to throw such parties.
March 23, 2010 @ 10:15 pm
My little lady is only 3, and for her 2nd and 3rd birthdays, we did birthday book exchanges. All guests are asked to bring a USED book (or puzzle, but no toys) for Charlotte, and get one in return from us. If they have an armload of books they’d like to offload, they bring them all and take a fairly equal armload back. I get to get rid of books that I hate reading (for whatever reason) or that we have duplicates of, and she is taught that for her birthday, we trade things with our friends.
I abhor dollar store crap. A mom in our mom group gives goody bags at all of her themed playdates. It’s a generous idea, and they sometimes include the $1 books from Target and usually a fruit snack and a juice box, but the plastic men with parachutes that we all remember take labor to assemble and then fall apart before we leave the party. Such a waste of petroleum and money!