Are Smartphones Making Our Kids Lonely?
Cellphones: want it or need it?
Last weekend, we took the boys to a local frozen-yogurt place — a treat because, after we pushed Daniel hard to study for his science quiz on the parts of a cell (which, as an aside, seem to have more parts than they did when I first learned about nuclei and mitochondria), he got a 100%! While we sat there, me with my salted-caramel yogurt (there is a God, by the way, because of caramel), a handful of young girls walked in. And then another handful. And another.
Turns out they were all together. Our first thought, when we ascertained that only one set of parents had accompanied the group? Maybe this was the cast of new reality show: “My 14 Daughters!” They all looked the same, same leggings, same boots, same long straight hair. And the same smartphones. All. Of. Them.
Turns it was a sleepover birthday party group (I was trying to calculate what the parents of the birthday child were about to shell out in sold-by-the-ounce fro-yo), but the phones! When the first subset of girls passed our table, iPhones in sparkly pink cases in hand, my husband said, “That’s probably $1,000 worth of phones!” And that was just the first group.
I’m going to guess that these girls were somewhere between 12 and 14. They seemed older than the girls in Daniel’s fifth-grade class, who are 10 or 11, anyway. And that puts them smack in the “you get a cellphone!” demographic.
They get. But do they need?
I say no.
My sons ask “when” they’ll get cellphones – and they seem to be laboring under the assumption that 11 is “the time.” But why? A few years ago, a friend’s son reported to her that when he got to middle school, he would get “a girlfriend, and a cellphone,” as though they were handing both out at the doors to seventh grade. The fact that this boy thought so, and my boys believe so (minus the girlfriend, because yuck) leads me to believe that the “you get a cellphone!” demographic is one of those things that wormed its way into the ether, to the point where every kid believes it’s true, and many parents go along believing it’s true and also a necessity.
Yesterday, I was listening to a radio interview* with author Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist whose book Alone Together just came out in paperback. I happened to tune in as she was talking, to NPR’s Fresh Air host Teri Gross, about kids (and adults) with smartphones. Always being with either their parents or their phones (she calls it “the tethered child”) as they grow from childhood into young adolescence and beyond, says Turkle, leaves kids unable to be … just alone. From the show, which aired yesterday:
Children are getting these phones earlier and earlier. These are years when children need to develop this capacity for solitude, this capacity to feel complete playing alone. If you don’t have a capacity for solitude, you will always be lonely, and my concern is that the tethered child never really feels that sense that they are sort of OK unto themselves…
But let me get back to the notion of “need.” Okay, kids are out and about all the time, yes? They “need” to be able to be in touch with you at all times. But do they? I challenge you to tell me what any of those fro-yo girls with their long hair and their leggings and boots needed their phones for. They were with this other family – would there be an emergency while they were sleeping over their friend’s house? I mean, an emergency that couldn’t be taken care of by that set of parents, or their phone?
Or did they “need” their phones so they could text and eat frozen yogurt at the same time?
Yeah.
This is what I was thinking that night, and it’s what I’ve been thinking all along, as my kids grin and ask when they’ll get “their” cellphone. Not soon. Not when they’re 11. (Interestingly, Turkle told Teri Gross that since she first wrote the book, she had to make a revision for the paperback version; the magic 11 age has dipped to where it’s not odd for 8 or 9 year olds to “need”, and get, cellphones.) I honestly don’t see the need, but I do invite you to tell me where you think I’m wrong. Like my kids are, I myself am home, most of the time (living, working, everything-else-ing). I have a cellphone. For the life of me, right at this moment, I don’t know where it is. I make good-faith attempts to find it before I leave the house, in case (of actual emergency: a car breakdown, say). But in regular life? I don’t need it. I’d like a smartphone, but I don’t need one.
Which brings me back to the alone-versus-lonely thing evocatively spoken about by Turkle. We all laugh and talk a fun game about teens tethered (that word again!) to their smartphones. How they can’t keep their fingers off the screen, their thumbs never still, even if they are physically in the presence of others. But have you seen adults doing the same thing? I bet you have – like I have, most frighteningly in cars beside me at red lights. They can’t put them down! Why? I understand the parent who is texting her husband from the soccer game, because said husband is with the other kid at the football game. I get that. But I don’t get (personally, I stress here) the parent fiddling around on an iPhone just to fill time, all the time. Some of these parents, it appears to my eyes, feel less, well, alone with that phone in their hands.
Our kids don’t need it, and neither do we. Feel free to argue me out of my case, but don’t tell my kids.
*Bonus reader points and a Mean Moms Rule t-shirt if you can count all the times I’ve blogged about something I heard on the radio!
October 19, 2012 @ 3:24 pm
You are so, so, so RIGHT! My girls are 8 and 10, and have once or twice half hardheartedly asked for a phone. Most of their friends don’t even have them yet. I told them when they are old enough to get a job and pay for it, they can have it. There does seem to be a prevailing notion around here that once a kid hits Jr. High, they need a phone, in case practice runs over, ends early, they need a ride, etc. Well, they can either wait around, walk home or get a ride. Or is that unheard of these days? I’ve been told I’m naive for thinking this way. I don’t feel a need to be constantly connected to my kids. No news is good news. If they truly need help, I would hope they could get it without needing an electronic gadget. As a side note, neither my husband or myself have smart phones. We have cheap, prepaid $10.00/month cell phones, that get very little use, and I can’t see that changing any time soon.
October 19, 2012 @ 4:23 pm
My oldest son, now 22, got his first pay as you go phone at 15 because he was hither and yon with Scouts and choir and school plays and needed to be able to call home for a ride. Son #2, now 19, got his phone–also a pay as you go cheapie, for his 16th birthday. I actually had to FORCE my third son to accept a phone for his 16th birthday earlier this year. These phones make and receive calls and texts–and I think one of them might take pictures, but that’s it. I often have to remind him to take it with him. None of them is tethered to his phone. Likewise, when my 9 year old daughter gets to be 15 or 16, she’ll get a phone then, but not before. (She only just started learning how to plan on a DS, while most of her friends have had handheld gaming devices since kindergarten.)
October 19, 2012 @ 4:49 pm
A child having a cellphone should be a parents decision. Everyones situation is so different. I used to be the parent who would say my child does not need a cell phone. But why do I need to justify the need for the phone. Do all adults need their phone ? Our oldest has had a phone since the 5th grade, it is a basic plan. We need to communicate with our oldest because of after school activities and she travels for games. We are not comfortable with her standing around the school waiting , walking home is not an option. I believe with older children you give them a few things, this gives you the leverage to take it away. I also have great conversations with teens via text. Technology is their world and parents are emigrant to that world.
October 19, 2012 @ 8:35 pm
No child NEEDS a phone. Parents are under the misguided delusion that cellphone = safety. NEVER a good thing.
There is a time when a phone will become a necessary convenience. As much as I resisted it, this is a new social landscape and being in denial isn’t a good thing either.
We found it appropriate to get our older daughter a cellphone halfway through grade 7. for her it was wonderful. She has anxiety, a land line phobia (true!) and was building her self-esteem back from being bullied. She finally had friends and connected with them, got included in events she had previously been excluded from b/c they didn’t text her.
My younger daughter age 11 in gr. 6 however regularly calls friends from home, knocks on their doors etc. She doesn’t go anywhere that I can’t get a hold of her or has the freedom to go to the park and come home within a time frame established. If it changes she calls me or has to come home to check in. A process we’ve worked on that did not occur overnight. I don’t think she needs a cellphone. and Just because her sister (now in gr. 9) got one in grade 7 is not enough reason to give her one next year when she is in grade 7.
Once they are in high school and truly away on field trips and sporting events and jobs the convenience of a cell phone is great. Trust though, they CAN manage without one. There are kids who STILL don’t have one.
October 19, 2012 @ 9:17 pm
Just wait until your kids are older and you want to stay in touch. Texting becomes a blessed lifeline.
October 20, 2012 @ 9:32 am
Leah, thanks for weighing in. I see your point, certainly, and when my boys are your girls’ ages, they likely will have phones (that they’ll pay for or at least contribute to paying for), and I’m sure we’ll text (or anyway,they will text with me if I find my phone and/or upgrade it, b/c right now texting is an exercise in futility to me,and I prefer to talk anyway).
October 19, 2012 @ 10:40 pm
Personally I think cell-phones have contributed to more paranoia than it resolves.
I hear kids and parents trot out the “but it’s for their safety” all the time – kids trying to manipulate mom and dad into getting one and parents thinking that being able to monitor your children’s every move will somehow set their minds at ease.
But the constant availablity that comes with cell-phones means it can easily morph into constant surveillance…just because you can.
One of my closest friends up the street gave her kids a cellphone. They go to the park two minutes away and the phone calls start – ring, ring, ring!!!
“Mom – I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Jaden…phone me when you’re leaving the park so I know you’re on your way.”
“Caleb….are you wearing your sweater? You have to wear it!”
God forbid they didn’t answer the phone or they forgot to call as they were making that peril-fraught two minute walk home on a sunny Saturday afternoon!
That ability to let go gets lost with the electronic umbilical cord.
Don’t get me wrong…I have a cell-phone and I think they have their place – I just don’t think they are as indispensable as many would have you believe. Let’s face it – the human race managed to survive without them for millenia.
October 20, 2012 @ 9:30 am
Sarah, thanks! I’m so glad you brought this up, the (false) sense of connectedness and security a cellphone seems to convey. Another thing Sherry Turkle talked about is how older kids (college-age, say) text with their parents multiple times a day. On the one hand, you’d think this was nice — the ease of communication compared to when I was away at school and called my parents once a week,and WROTE LETTERS). But often what I see, and what Turkle describes, is not a cozy closeness between parent and child, but a kind of continued dependency. Which is when you get instances of kids who text their parents, who are hundreds of miles away, from a burning college building, rather than calling 911 first.
October 20, 2012 @ 8:38 am
This is a tricky question. For my 2 high schoolers, middle school seemed the right time to get a phone as they were at after school activities and needed to call us when it time for a pickup. I am not the parent who hackers down for a 2-3 hour football practice with chairs, snacks, a book, and a camera. Every day.
Now my 9 year old “needs” a phone because her classmates have one and they text and email each other. I make my daughter dial the phone (and teach her phone manners which texters lack), I ask her to call me from her friend’s home when she rides her bike to a friend’s house (so I can see it on caller ID…cell phones don’t give you that and unless you want to stalk your child with the GPS function, they can tell you they are somewhere and not be there anyway).
But, as with anything else, parents take it to the next level…smart phones, bling covers, etc. We need to teach our kids limits and appropriate use. And take them away when needed. For parties such as the one you describe, phones should be parked at the door, so that girls can enjoy themselves and actually talk to each other. Being able to text constantly provides a breeding ground for bullying (girls will text each other about someone sitting right next to them). We are being naive if we think they are not doing it. And pictures of this sleepover should be taken by the parent, not in the middle of the night by one of the girls with a cellphone who thinks it is funny.
October 20, 2012 @ 9:34 am
Jackie, excellent point about parents taking it to the next level unnecessarily. Someone I know hosted a sleepover for her then 12 year old daughter, and asked that all the girls leave their phones and tablets and whatever at home for the reasons you describe. And she had other moms calling her to thank her! (Because they could blame her, my friend, for saying “no phones!”). Which begs the question, who is in charge normally?!
October 20, 2012 @ 9:30 am
I have always told my children when you actually need it or when you can pay for it! Now I have a high school athlete, a middle school athlete, and an elementary school boy! Two of my boys have phones only because they have sports and unfortunately for us practices sometime last way past when the office closes and in this day…. I would rather they call me if they need something than ask a stranger. But by no means has it been a right of passage.
October 20, 2012 @ 9:37 am
I’m very mixed on the subject. On the one hand, I hate it when I go out and see kids sitting with their parents in a restaurant, say, clicking away on their phones, completely disconnected to their surroundings. On the other hand, I understand its usefulness especially when they’re teens and I need to get in touch with them. But there has to be rules. For instance, iPhone? Not necessary. My kids have a pay-as-you-go phone. When they use up their allotted number of minutes/text per month, that’s it. Therefore, it’s used mostly for important calls/text. It teaches them to “budget” their phones. So far so good.
October 20, 2012 @ 11:23 am
Denise, I am COMPLETELY with you on this one! My kids are still young (7, 5, and 2) and, like you, I have only a pay-as-you-go phone with the number-based texting which is so frustratingly slow to use I might as well just call someone already!
I also agree that it tethers the children unnecessarily, allowing helicopter parents to hover over them constantly. I want to teach my children independence, NOT to have them calling or texting me for every small thing. It is hard to let go of our children, but it is better for them in the long run if we do. I think the cellphone in their children’s hands gives the parents a false sense of “control” over their children, knowing that they can call their kids at any time of day makes them think they know what the kids are up to.
To the above poster who mentioned “in this day…. I would rather they call me if they need something than ask a stranger,” this is a fallacy from the increased reporting on crimes against children, society is actually safer now that it used to be, statistics support this, but we believe we are more in danger. Remember the Mom from Manhattan who was vilified for letting her ten or eleven-year-old take the subway by himself? Cell phone companies are benefiting from the heightened anxiety which causes parents to want to exert more control over their kids, thinking that will keep them safe. They even have an app now that you can put this chip in your kids’ phone and monitor them constantly. Where does it end?
My one concern for my kids, is that as they get older and their friends all have cell phones that their parents pay for, they will feel that they “need” them to communicate and have any kind of social life. I can understand that reason for them to WANT one, but it is not a NEED. Like you said, Denise, if it gets to that point and they want one, they can earn the money and pay for them themselves, something which teaches them a far better lesson than buying it for them.
Can you tell I feel passionateyy about this subject? Sorry this was so long!
October 20, 2012 @ 12:47 pm
We don’t have a landline, DH has a smartphone for work and I have a not smart phone that still allows me to take pictures and videos and text. The kids are 8 and almost 6 and they will get one when they need one. It’s different for every child.
I got my first one at 18, when I was commuting to college in a not-very-reliable car. It broke down more than once and the phone came in handy. And in cases of emergency, you can’t beat them. I can’t tell you the last time I saw a payphone anywhere. Do I need my cell phone? I don’t know about NEED but it makes my life a heck of a lot easier.
When mine are old enough to be places by themselves, or walk home from school (there have been 10+ armed robberies in daylight hours in my neighborhood in the past week), they will have them. But a basic plan. No need for kids to have 24 hour internet/Facebook access.
Now…a few years ago, Verizon gave me a smartphone to test out for 2 months and then write about. I really really liked it, but also felt like I was TOO plugged in. It was a bit of a relief to send it back, because the urge to constantly check my email or my Facebook page was pretty strong.
October 20, 2012 @ 1:07 pm
I agree with you Denise and I lecture on this exact topic extensively. Amazingly, parents will come up with all sorts of excuses as to why their children (and young teens) need one. And even if you can make a solid case against them, they play the “its a parent’s choice” card to close the discussion. We just gave our 14 (almost 15) year old a smart phone only because I installed a full monitoring package and she knows about it. We have learned some disturbing things that (not she) but her friends being raised with little or no boundaries, have shared with her. A good engaged parent has an enemy out there… all the parents who are not doing their job and putting limitations and boundaries in place. We never would have known the dangerous threats to our daughter if we were not monitoring every text sent and received, every image shared, and every Web site visited. With this monitoring package, we have the ability to deactivate her phone whenever we want (homework time and evenings) and we have contact info on everyone she contacts or who contacts her. We can even lock out certain people. One additional feature that we will need when she begins driving is that it acts as a GPS and we can see the exact address the phone is located at. Some will cry foul when they read my post, foul about robbing her of privacy. To them I will say that because the risks of danger to her exceed the need for privacy, We will continue monitoring every bit of her activity until further notice. We take our job very seriously, of keeping our daughter safe against predators and against her friends who have little or no supervision. She’ll get her privacy in the later teens years.
October 20, 2012 @ 1:55 pm
The problem isn’t with children having a phone, its with the parents not placing restrictions on them, checking data usage, knowing passwords, limiting text messages, etc. If a child needs a cell phone for emergencies or parents peace of mind then it should be an old fashioned flip phone with emergency contacts only. Anything else, no matter how much you “trust them” is just lazy parenting.
I don’t think cell phones are making children more lonely. Texting/emailing/browsing in the company of others is just making them more rude!
October 20, 2012 @ 10:20 pm
Last month, I spent a weekend camping with a group of foreign exchange students. We built them a campfire and made smores, a first for all of them. They seemed to be having a very good time, but they didn’t really experience a campfire. They didn’t sing songs, or look up at the millions of stars, or talk about anything beyond the superficial. You can probably guess what they did. They took tons of photos of themselves and texted.
If smart phones are the future of social interaction, then this next generation is on the fast track to boringville (while thinking that they’re living exciting lives, if the number of pictures posted to Facebook from their smart phones is any indication. Just today one of my young FB friends posted a photo of himself studying, I kid you not.) But we can’t blame them, it’s adults who raise children after all.
And don’t even get me started on DVD players in the car. Ah, the things we rob our children of.
October 22, 2012 @ 3:42 pm
See, I don’t see a phone as a tether or a safety net. Yeah, it’s nice that they will have an easy way to contact me but, in reality, it is just another toy in my eyes.
My daughter (9) and I have agreed that she can have a phone when she is old enough to walk home by herself and take care of herself until we get home. She will probably be 12.
However, like any other toy, she with either need to buy it with her own money or wait until her birthday or Christmas.
Also, like any other toy, it can be taken away if it is abused and we do not play with it at the table or when someone is talking to us. And if she breaks it, we’re not replacing it.
Both my husband and I have smartphones and we display appropriate manners when using them and hope that rubs off.
October 22, 2012 @ 3:45 pm
Diana,
the fact that you come right out and call a smartphone another toy? I LOVE that. thanks for weighing in.
Denise
October 25, 2012 @ 1:06 pm
So glad to see some voices of reason on this issue. Thanks for leading the way. Having a cell phone at a young age—and a smartphone, in particular—shouldn’t be a right. There’s a great deal of responsibility involved in owning these devices and most kids simply aren’t ready for it. And, as you pointed out, there rarely is a true NEED for a young child (elementary age, certainly) to have a cell phone. If only other parents would stop the madness. Though that’s probably wishful thinking. I suppose like anything else this requires constantly articulating your values to your kids and standing your ground. Both of those are easier to do knowing there are like-minded parents out there.
October 25, 2012 @ 4:04 pm
My children are still much too young to think about getting phones, but as a teacher, I am completely with you on this one.
Our school’s rule used to be, if the kid got caught with a phone out during school hours, the phone was confiscated and kept in the main office until the end of the day. We had so many parents complaining (and threatening lawsuits!)that we had to do away with the rule. Their reasoning? Their 14-year-olds NEEDED that phone, in case of emergency. What kind of emergency is going to occur that requires you to call your child instead of the school? S/He won’t be able to leave the school until you arrive to pick him or her up, anyway, so why do you NEED to call and interrupt your child’s instructional time?
Here’s the thing: The parents are the ones calling and texting their kids while they’re at school. Oh, and there are very rarely ememrgencies. They’re just saying hi. Or, they just talked to Aunt Myrtle and she’ll be here for the birthday party.
I don’t know what decision my husband and I will make when it comes to the phone question. I do know that I’d like to put it off as long as possible because I believe the temptation to text in class or at other inappropriate times may be too great for a middle school kid to resist. They don’t exactly have the same reasoning skills we do. Apparently, neither do some of their parents.
October 26, 2012 @ 10:49 am
There was a school shooting here on the first day of school and the school locked down. Kids with their cell phones were the only was many parents knew their children were ok and how the police were notified. Not that this happens all the time, but there ARE cases in which kids having their phones in class is important.
October 26, 2012 @ 3:33 pm
I understand that, and I don’t have a problem with them having their phones with them, in a backpack or purse or whatever. What I do have a problem with is parents calling their kids on their phones just to remind them to let the dog out, while they are in the middle of taking my test on Julius Caesar.
October 29, 2012 @ 9:31 am
My daughter (13) wants a phone. I don’t think she needs it. My husband has one and that’s already one too many! I’d actually like to kill my cell phone but the convenience of it makes it hard for me to put aside. It’s just so sad to see kids texting and on the phone ALL THE TIME instead of interacting with each other. I don’t think it makes people more connected (which is what a professor at Cornell said in a talk my daughter and I attended together). I think it makes KIDS and GROWNUPS more lonely! Good for you for not letting yours have them. I say stay strong.
November 5, 2012 @ 3:08 pm
My 9 year old daughter received a cell phone this school year. I like receiving the daily text from her stating she and her younger sister are on the bus. They are home alone for 20-30 minutes before my husband or I make it home from work. Even though we live in a nice neighborhood and have a security system, I still like her having the phone on the bus and knowing she can call me if she forgets her key, if the bus is late, etc. We have rules about the texting, downloads, and internet access just like we do for the home computer. I never thought she would have one in elementary school, but it made sense for us. I think phones and gadgets are like anything else, in moderation they can be just fine. The real problem is our society has a difficult time doing anything in moderation. Just my two cents.
Love your blog and your book was fabulous!
November 20, 2012 @ 11:09 pm
I have a really nice smart phone provided by my employer, but I kept my old phone (and by old, I mean it flips out and you have to text pushing the number buttons repeatedly). I give it to my 14 year old when he is at practices, school functions or any other time there may not be another parent with a phone around. When he is back with me, the phone is in my purse. His friends have the number if they want to talk to him, but it is MY phone. I am a mean parent, as all of his friends have their own phone. Most of them have smart phones, which they are obsessed with (so is he). I guess I have a lot of concerns about Smart Phones in particular. I don’t allow him to have a computer in his bed room, why would I let him have one in his pocket? Oh, I am mean and over-protective.
I just found your blog. Thanks. I look forward to reading your book.
December 24, 2012 @ 3:40 am
I recently responded on a Smartphone developers forum about kids and smart phones, I want to share what my posts were and a couple of the responses I received.
My Original Post “I bought my teenage daughter a cheap laptop. Put k9 browser on it, an old refurbed iPod 2nd Gen and locked the iTunes store and safari, and then put k9 on it too. She has a dumb phone to call in emergencies and text her friends with. The phone locks at 8pm and if I see that her grades are slipping the phone and iPod become mine again. If I see she is spending all her time in front of a TV or computer they get turned off and she goes outside.
That being said she is in Beta club. Gets A’s and B’s and has as much of a social life as she needs. She also won her class’s physical fitness award. The place I spoil her is I let her do some name brand shopping for clothes. As long as I approve.
All in all we have our disagreements but she “gets by” lol.”
Response1 “You actually manage her social life? That’s not something I would really look over, unless I know she’s with gangsters or drug dealers or whatever. Getting a tad personal there.
(Likewise, I don’t look at my son’s texts unless I suspect something)
Not judging your parenting, just giving my perspective”
Response2, “Dam.. mate..
That seems a bit harsh. I don’t really know what your daughter could be doing on that iPod 2nd gen which you would need to LOCK the iTunes store. It is not like there is porn on the iTunes store.
But according it seems.. a cheap laptop was a BETTER deal than iPhone/Android smartphone.”
In turn I posted, “Guess I’m more conservative than most. When I was growing up we had dial up that my parents paid for by the hour.. no cell phones.. tapes and then CDs and many more less brain numbing things. We went outside to have fun. Kids are disconnected from the real world and live in cyber space.
As for managing her social life.. I’m a responsible parent who isn’t satisfied saying that I’m happy with my child’s development as long as she isn’t a drug dealer or gang Banger. Kids don’t need to be subjected to adult humor or images. Which is readily available in both the play store and iTunes.”
The next response I received, “My son is perfectly fine without me managing his social life, in fact probably in the same level of “class” (if you will) as your daughter. If you can smack discipline into them and trust them, you can let them be and save yourself a lot of trouble (and some of their privacy). My philosophy is if you can’t fully trust your kid, why should they trust you any differently?
All that porn, sex, etc. I’m sorry but that’s just something that society forces onto kids right now. Whether by themselves or at school, they will know. Usually by middle school. (When I was in 6th grade people were like omg your initials are bj! And ya…..). I’m willing to bet she is already exposed but doesn’t want to talk about it because who wants to get in that awkward conversation with their parents?
Once again not bashing, but I guess I am just protective of my views on parenting and I just don’t think it’s right to manage too much, if any at all, as long as you can teach them what to do and believe they’ll follow the rules”
So I tried to avoid be confrontational and responded, “i want my kids to function with technology, therefore they have it, I just won’t be the one supplying them with adult materials.. she has my trust but my job is to do the best I can.. daughters are different than sons.. just my 2 cents”
The last response I received, “I have two daughters as well but I can’t quite speak on them yet…
My daughter in middle school keeps As and Bs, but has a serious issue with responsibility. When I she has a violin lesson and I come to pick her up, wtf? Where’d she go? My son is home and the only info he provides is “she came home with a friend then left after a few minutes.” This is the sole reason I am getting her a phone, so I can call her. I know daughters are different, but when it comes to adult material, girls usually stay away anyway, calling those subjects perverted.
I also have a 7yo who my wife has spent enormous time teaching all aspects of education to her. Right now she is way ahead of her class, especially in math. I’m actually wondering how her social life will turn out once she reached the age where social groups are defined and the whole class is no longer included.”
Now with all that was said I believe in teaching my children all I can about the world, I may have a jaded view on the world because I am a Police Officer and am constantly being called to the houses of lazy parents who want the Police to do their jobs (e.g make em go to school etc.) But I think integrating technology into their early years is important but there needs to be limitations on what I allow them to experience. I know, through my own childhood, that a parent can not keep their child protected from all the world’s perversions and that kids are going to make mistakes..
One of the reasons my daughter, who is finishing 8th grade, has a phone is because me and her Mom are divorced and sometimes her Mom (primary parent) forgets about after school stuff and she needs to call me.. Our county busses and her school is 15 miles from her Mom’s house and 20 miles from mine, so walking is out of the question.
I just ask parents to be responsible and actually parent their children, instead of giving them unfiltered access to an adult world. As much as it pains me I know she will be exposed to things I would prefer she not be, but I don’t want to hasten that exposure through technology. My ending point is as a parent I see a need to familiarize my kids with the quickly evolving tech world but not to allow them to jump in alone and without restrictions..
December 29, 2012 @ 5:31 pm
I just started reading Mean Moms Rule… LOVE IT!
I have one child, a daughter 5-3/4 (yes the 3/4 part is important to her). she recently asked me when she could have an Iphone. My response?!? When you get a job, and can pay for it and the bill yourself.
Her response: Well then, I guess I will get one when I am 15, because you can have a job at 15.