I am woman, hear me … yawn. That’s my way of saying that, while I’m delighted with my working-mom-of-two lifestyle, I’m no superwoman (no matter what my endlessly wonderful husband might say). Like you, I’m just doing the best I can with what I have to work with.
Wh
at I have to work with is a humble house in the ‘burbs that always needs cleaning; two boys, 9 and 7, who also need a fair bit of cleaning; a husband who thankfully cleans himself as far as I know; and a career that’s been my abiding passion, as well as a pretty decent living, for more than 20 years (actually it’s inching close to 25, which I can’t say because then I’d have to say a quarter of a century, which is scary.)
I’ve been self-employed as a writer and editor since my Son #2 was born (in the words of Son #1: “Mommy works upstairs!”). Before that, I was a magazine editor, mostly at women’s and parenting magazines, and yes, it’s just like the movies. I got free makeup and went to photo shoots and on press junkets and wore black clothes and high heels all the time and said “fabulous” a lot. I’m not even kidding. That wasn’t all of it, of course. There was hard work and long hours sometimes, and there were annoying ad sales people and bad lighting. But I do miss it. For a couple years, I lived in London, working for a health and beauty magazine, which was a lot like working for American magazines except we drank a lot of tea (and a lot of wine, but only after the magazine closed), and did all the photo shoots and other magazine-y things with cooler accents and a lot more irony.
I now hardly wear makeup (my collection has dwindled to a sad few products on the bathroom counter) or heels (though I can’t give up on them entirely and, despite my suburban-mom status, I will only wear anything strictly identified as “sneakers” if I’m at the gym. I’m very particular on that point).
I enjoy: Reading in bed for more than 15 minutes at a time; The New Yorker, Masterpiece Classic, and NPR on the one hand; and HGTV on the other (unfathomable to my husband, but I am actually relaxing and unwinding when I’m yelling at the silly, irrational people on House Hunters – seriously, people, enough with the who-gets-the-bigger-closet jokes, k?); dark chocolate chips which I may or may not keep in my desk drawer; silence; Zumba (obsessed!); reading recipes in cookbooks and magazines (and even making some of them); watching my sons sleep (see: silence); and spending time with my extended family (the opposite of silence, but with really good food and people who have known me forever, which is the whole point of family, right?)
Oh, and I’m a Mean Mom. Not all the time, as Son #2 said when he saw the cover of my book (also: “So…you’re an author?!”), but enough of the time that I’m ready to turn it into a movement. A million mean moms. Come join me. You know you want to.
Sometimes I feel like “mean mommy” too. I’m hoping the kid’ll thank me when he grows up with good manners … but probably not. I’m enjoying your blog — I remember the marshmallow experiment!
BTW, I added your blog to my blog roll. Would you consider adding Don’t Put Lizards In Your Ears to yours? I’m at http://www.norinedworkin.com/blog.
Norine
That’s the hope, right, Norine? That they’ll thank us — hopefully while we’re still able to understand what they’re saying! I’ll absolutely add your blog to my roll!
Amen! Just found your blog and enjoy your style. I have three boys and it gets a little loud around here–not them but me!
I can’t wait to read more of your blog! I recently read an article you wrote for American Baby and had to check this out when I saw the name of your website. I am called “mean mommy” or “meanie” almost daily! I remember thinking the same of my mom, so I do think they’ll appreciate our “mean-ness” when they have kids of their own one day. I have too many friends who want to be friends with their children rather than parents. And those are the kids that I dread coming to my house to visit! But I hear so often how my kids are so well behaved when I’m present and when I’m not. It feels good to know that they are learning what is appropriate behavior and what isn’t, even if it means that they think I’m a meanie!
Rachell
Thanks for your comment, Rachell! I hope you keep reading — and if you have comments, ideas, suggestions, whatever, feel free to let me know. Mean moms unite — after all, it’s about turning out great kids and adults, right?!
Denise
Your boys are gorgeous!
My twins are only 10 weeks old but I am definitely already a mean mommy
Have enjoyed reading your archives and now subscribed to keep following along!
I got married last month and while we don’t have kids yet, my husband and I are “working on it”. I have to admit that when we talk about having kids, I often find myself saying, “I’m going to be such a mean mommy!”. We are in our mid-thirties and are the last in our circle of friends to get married. All of our friends have kids – we had 30 guests under the age of 10 at our wedding – and they can’t wait for us to add to the collective brood of youngsters. While we are excited about the prospect, I don’t want to follow in my friends’ footsteps and become one of the obsessive, permissive mommies that seem to predominate these days. Who knows how things will work out for us, but its a relief to read your blog and discover that there are sane role models for motherhood out there. Thank you!
It’s my favorite compliment to pay in the office–”so-and-so, you are great–I don’t care WHAT your kids say about you!” Always makes a parent smile, no matter how old their children are…
Hi Denise,
Just happened to stumble across your blog while searching for some sweepstakes to enter, I noticed that you blogged about toothpaste not being in suitable flavors for your boys and was wondering: What advice do you have for a me, a young mother who is trying to get her two year old(She will be three in like 3 weeks) to brush her teeth and which toothpaste would you recommend for me to buy for her, because all that my local Walgreen’s has is Training toothpaste, which to me will do nothing for her teeth in the long run?
Thanks, and once again, good blog!!!
Hi. Just found you. I would definitely qualify as a “mean mommy” too, and yet, amazingly enough, I get TONS of compliments on how great/funny/nice/thoughtful/etc my kids are. Hmmm…. could the “experts” be wrong? Surely not!
I’m off to subscribe. I suspect our kids would get on famously! (Except mine are older than yours)
Thanks for the blog! I don’t how I found it but funny how you find things when you need it. I have been struggling with homeschooling my fifth grade daughter, to the point I have considered sending her back to school. After reading several of your posts, I have new found motivation to push through it. Mean is hard 24/7 but at least it’s my mean!
Thanks Lori! Glad you found me. I hope you keep reading!
best,
Denise
Well, when I say “no” (or something similar) to my son, and he says I’m mean, I say, “That’s right. I’m a mean mommy.” And, I’m proud of it! LOL I know that if I say “yes” to all his requests, I’m going to raise a selfish, entitled child who I don’t want to be around. So, I’m a mean mommy, too!
Hi there,
I love your schweddy balls ice cream post. I took a different approach on my blog page, but I think we’re on the same ‘page’ so to speak! Thanks for sharing! I’m looking forward to following you. And for the record, I’m a mean mommy too. Thanks for making it a club to be proud to be in!